The Vodka Flavored Ice Cream Experiment
by iamjustanerd
Summary: Why couldn't Haagen Dazs make a vodka flavored ice cream?
1. The Vodka Flavored Ice Cream Experiment

**Disclaimer: You have no idea how I wish I was brilliant enough to come up with the Big Bang Theory, both the TV show and the cosmological model that many believe developed the universe.**

**A/N: Comments/Reviews are welcomed and much appreciated :)**

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Penelope Moonves poured more Johnny Walker into her glass and squinted gloomily at the pictures that were scattered across her coffee table. Her abundant blonde hair fell lazily out of her messy bun and spilled onto her shoulders. Today couldn't have been any worse. She was agitated when her car wouldn't start and she had to wait forever and a day for the bus. She was upset when her boss yelled at her for being late for work. She was stressed when she had to deal with rude customers and those that left lousy tips. And to top it all off she had to work a double shift. At least she had Jake to cheer her up. She decided after that long day she would go over to his apartment and surprise him.

She didn't bother knocking. She quietly opened the door and tiptoed down the hall. She imagined that he would be happy to see her and just seeing his smile would cheer her up and make her day.

She heard the beautiful sound of his guitar and immediately recognized her song. Jake, the aspiring musician had written her a song inspired by her gorgeous eyes amply entitled 'Penny's Eyes.' She remembered the first time he had played it for her. How her heart had melted and her cheeks turned red. She followed the sound of the guitar straight through the hall. As she came closer to the living room she realized that the lyrics were different. It was no longer 'Penny's Eyes' but 'Jamie's Eyes' She stood there watching as he serenaded another girl with her song.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and took a gulp of her drink. A single tear escaped her right eye as she remembered how a flabbergasted Jake had responded to her surprising him at his apartment. He didn't smile like she was hoping he would to cheer her up instead he spluttered something as she looked between him and the 6 foot brunette tramp, Jamie, he was singing to. That was the moment - the very second – that things had ended between her and Jake Owen (whom she was pretty sure she was in love with). And what bothered her was not that he had broken her heart in what seemed like the worst day ever or that she had wasted three months with that lousy musician who honestly wasn't that good a musician in the first place but the fact that she sat on her couch crying over another failed relationship, drinking alcohol and staring at the pictures of her and the cheating bastard.

She wondered if she would ever break the cycle. Her life (well the romantic part anyway) always went the same way. She'd meet a hot guy, they'd date, she'd fall in love and he'd end up being a total jerk. She always ended up with no one to love and no one to love her.

She wanted more. Next time she wasn't going for the brooding musician, or the alluring model or the chiseled actor. She was going to find someone to love her and shower her with attention the way only someone who was absolutely in love with her would. That extraordinary sort of love that people wrote about. The kind of love that Romeo and Juliet fought to preserve, the love that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet had found on that ship. She wanted what they had except for the dying part. She wanted true love.

Feeling dejected and lonely she got off the couch grabbed all the pictures and threw them in the bin in her kitchen. She went for the one person she knew could make her feel better beside Johnny Walker, Haagen Dazs. She pulled the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavored ice cream out of the refrigerator and shoved the biggest spoon she could find into it. She slumped back on the couch and wondered why Haagen Dazs couldn't make a vodka flavored ice cream.

Knock Knock Knock "Penny." She heard Sheldon's voice and the incessant knocking on her door. She made her way slowly to her door as he said for the third and last time, "Penny." She opened the door and looked up at Sheldon.

"What do you want, Sheldon?"

"It's the fourth Thursday of the month," he said as a matter-of-factly.

"So," she said, already frustrated by Sheldon. She walked away and slumped back on the couch.

"It's movie night."

"So," Penny said stuffing her face with more cookie dough ice cream

"Ever since you became part of our group the fourth Thursday of every other month has been your night to choose the movie. We start each movie at 8 o' clock. It's 8:08."

She took a deep breath and stared, undiscerning, at him for a long moment. Sheldon's mouth twisted the tiniest amount. "Ever since you became part of our group the fourth Thursday…"

At that moment something clicked in Penny's brain or maybe her brain just switched off entirely.

"I haven't had time to get a movie," Penny said, her lips trembling. She buried her face in one of the cushions on her couch. "Everything's a mess." She mumbled into the cushion. "My car wouldn't start so I got to work late and then my boss yells at me in front of everyone and then to make a bad day even worse turns out my jerk of a boyfriend…make that ex boyfriend, Jake was cheating on me."

Sheldon shifted uncomfortably from one leg to the next. "There, there." He picked up the box of Kleenex she had on the coffee table and nudged her with it.

She looked up and grabbed a Kleenex and blew her nose noisily. She sat in the center of the couch looking miserable. Sheldon sat down awkwardly next to her. She could feel the tears begin to fall again as she looked at Sheldon.

"There, there," he said again awkwardly raising his hands and patting her knee. It occurred to her then that even though Sheldon was considered a robot he seemed to always be there for her. When she needed help with her Penny Blossom business Sheldon was there. When she was questioning whether to date Leonard he was there. Of course he spent that time lecturing her about Schrodinger's cat but he was still there. She wasn't sure what she looked like at that moment but she realized that his face flashed in response. Before, she could make it out he composed himself and returned to his normal (well normal for him) robotic self.

Before she could stop herself she leaned closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. She expected him to pull away but instead she felt him stiffen his posture under her. He wrapped his arms around her uncomfortably and patted her back, "Sheldon's here." She didn't have to see his face to know he was twitching. She couldn't help but smile.

She wasn't sure if it were the liquor kicking in, or the fact that all she had eaten for dinner was ice cream or that Sheldon was being uncharacteristically nice to her. She lifted herself and moved till her face was in front of his. He looked confused but she didn't want to stop. She leaned in slowly. Her lips pressed very softly against his. His entire body was as stiff as a board. She let her hand rest on his shoulder and she moved her body close to him.

What she wasn't ready for was his response. She expected him to push her away and run into his own apartment but instead he leaned into her and awkwardly kissed her back. She was caught by surprise and for a second she pulled away just long enough for her to gasp. Before his nerves could paralyze him or she snapped out of whatever was making her want to kiss him she pulled him with irresistible force and kissed him ever so gently. She was shocked by how much she enjoyed kissing Sheldon. She moved her hands off his shoulders and to the back off his head and knotted his fingers in his hair. It felt like the earth moved. Well it felt like it moved more than the 383 miles that it normally moved. She was glad to be sitting down. Glad that she was holding on to him. Glad that he was no longer stiff but had begun to relax considerably.

She finally pulled away. Her thoughts were all jumbled. She inched slowly away from Sheldon. They both sat in silence. Penny was too nervous and confused and dazed (and oddly enough, happy) to even look at him.

"Penny…" he finally said, breaking the silence.

She didn't want to have a conversation right now.

"Sheldon, it's movie night," she said desperately trying to avoid the conversation. "I'll go freshen up and I'll be over in a bit."

He didn't answer just nodded gawkily and got up. She stood up too. God, she felt good. It was weird that she felt that good. She looked at Sheldon who looked dazed and disoriented. Suddenly he turned to her, leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips once more.


	2. The Lake House Redundancy

Penny couldn't help but disagree with the part of her that was certain it hadn't happened. Nothing could explain it. She continuously went over the parts she was positive she couldn't have imagined. It wasn't possible that she had made the entire thing up.

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It was movie night with the boys and it was her night to choose. She hadn't had time to get a new movie – work was so hectic lately - so she was making them watch **The Lake House** again. She sat on the couch next to Sheldon who was doing everything in his power to avoid looking in her direction. He angled himself as far from Penny as the couch allowed. Ten minutes into the movie and she was suddenly extremely aware that Sheldon was sitting next to her. Her heart started racing and her breathing increased.

_What the…? It's just Sheldon. It's just Sheldon. So I kissed him. So he kissed me back…_she thought. Her brain replayed the moment over and over again. _Damn! Damn! Damn!_

She took a quick look at Sheldon. He was looking at her through the corner of his eyes. His eyes flashed back to the TV. _Wait. Was he looking at me? _There was no way she just imagined that. He was definitely looking at her. She dared to look at him again. He was staring at the TV this time but it looked like he was seeing through the TV concentrating on something else. His entire body was stiff, his jaw clenched.

For a moment she had the urge to reach out and touch him. _Has he always been so perfect, _she thought to herself. He moved his head barely an inch in her direction. He was definitely looking at her now. His eyes were mesmerizing. She had to look away.

_It's just Sheldon. It's just Sheldon, _she said to herself getting frustrated. _It's Sheldon. Nerdy Sheldon… Awkward Sheldon… Whack-a-doodle Sheldon… Hot Sheldon… with the mesmerizing eyes. Sheldon who wasn't a bad kisser... _she smiled sheepishly.

The movie was so much longer than she remembered. She couldn't even concentrate – _did Leonard say something?_ Leonard and Howard were laughing. Raj was nodding to whatever they had said. _Damn. "_Hahaha!" she laughed a little too loudly and a little too late. She had no idea what they had said but she didn't want it to be too obvious that she was somewhere else thinking about someone else. They were looking at her. She turned to the movie hoping they would do the same.

_Just relax Penny_

She stared at the television willing herself to listen to whatever Keanu Reeves was saying but she kept getting distracted by the person sitting next to her. She permitted herself to take a few quick glances in his direction, each glance lasting longer with fewer spaces between each glance. Eventually she was just staring at him. She was shocked when he stood up and said, "Well the movies over. Goodnight," and ran to his room without even looking at her. _Wait the movies over?_

_

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_

She lay in bed on her back staring at the ceiling. _What the hell is wrong with me? There's no way I'm attracted to Sheldon. _She rolled over and looked at her alarm clock. It flashed 3:38. She had to be at work in five hours.

_Sigh_

_Sleep. Sleep._

_Soft Kitty Warm Kitty little ball of fur._

_No, that's for when you're sick_

_Love sick is a type of sickness_

"What?" she sat up almost screaming at the monologue inside her head. She got up and walked to the living room. "Mind numbing television is all I need. Or alcohol." She looked at the refrigerator.

Knock Knock Knock "Penny," he whispered.

_Does he know what time it is' _she said to herself though she couldn't help the smile from spreading across her face. She walked slowly to the door, not wanting to look too excited, even though her heart was racing.

"Do you know what time it is?" she said trying to sound aggravated.

"Yes, I'm quite aware. I just needed to propose that we make alterations to our current relationship paradigm," he said to the floor.

Her heart almost stopped when he said 'we.' _He said 'we' as in him and me, Sheldon and Penny, Sheldon Cooper and Penelope…oh he stopped talking. "_What kind of alterations do you propose?"

He opened his mouth to say something then decided against it. He swayed nervously from one foot to the next. His eyes looked anywhere except directly at her.

"Maybe I should come back in the morning. I obviously disturbed you." He turned to his apartment

"Wait!" she almost yelled and grabbed his arm. She didn't want him to leave just yet. "Just say what you were going to say."

"Alright." He cleared his throat. He stared at a spot on the floor and stood completely still. His nerves finally seemed to immobilize him. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"' he flinched at the word date.

Penny looked at him, jaw dropped, eyes wide open.

"I believe it's the social norm when a man is attracted to a woman that the man take said woman to a restaurant, then a movie. I prefer if it were a movie of my choice. After your atrocious movie choice earlier I prefer not to visit that hell again. The Lake House, really? And for a third time?"

"Sure," she was finally able to say.

"Sure?" he looked surprised.

"Sure," she repeated.

'Ok then, the socially acceptable date nights are Friday and Saturday but since Saturday is laundry night I would rather our date be Friday. Does that work for you?'

'Sure.'

'Ok then.'

He leaned forward a little, but then straightened up. He looked around nervously.

_Was he going to kiss me? _She thought about kissing him but before she could, he turned and walked abruptly to his apartment.

Penny couldn't help but disagree with the part of her that was certain it hadn't happened. Nothing could explain it. She continuously went over the parts she was positive she couldn't have imagined. It wasn't possible that she had made the entire thing up. Had asexual Dr. Sheldon Cooper Ph. D just ask her out?

She walked back to the room and looked at the alarm clock. 4:29. Four hours before she had to get to work. _Sigh_ She definitely wasn't getting any sleep tonight.

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**A/N: Comments/reviews are welcomed and much appreciated**


	3. The Breakup Probability

**Author's Notes:** This is my final chapter in the Vodka Flavored Ice Cream Experiment. Hope you enjoy it. Comments and reviews are welcomed :)

**Summary: **It starts where most stories end – with a break up.

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Sheldon Cooper sat on the left side of the couch, his movements stiff and awkward – nervous, or maybe he was just being Sheldon. It was hard to tell. He'd been avoiding her a lot lately. In fact this was the first time they had been alone in a few weeks. _What the hell is his problem?_ She thought, even though she was sure she knew.

They were together for a year – the happiest year of Penny's life, possibly the happiest year of anyone's life. But she knew the signs. One day, you're madly in love, and then you're not. It's the way life is. Except it wasn't the way it was for her. She was still truly, madly, crazy in love with Sheldon but if he wanted to be an idiot and dump her then… fine. She had been through this before. Yeah, breaking up is hard, her ego would be bruised, and her heart… – she fought back the tears.

"Excuse me," she said and headed to the bathroom. She was still surprised that Sheldon Cooper, Mr. OCD himself had actually changed his usual Tuesday-night-at-the-Cheesecake-Factory schedule and chosen to stay at his apartment and watch a movie with her. He even let her choose – **The Notebook**. She guessed he just didn't want to dump her in front of her friends and co-workers. _How nice of him to consider my feelings._

"Loser," Penny said as she examined herself in the bathroom mirror. Yesterday she had been waxed, plucked, exfoliated, steamed, moisturized and spray tanned from her head to her toes. She hoped when he saw how hot she looked he would change is his mind, or at least he would see what he would be missing out on. She pulled her fingers through her ponytail and headed back to the couch.

Her former irritation at being dodged for the past few weeks was pale in comparison to the current anguish that she felt now. She looked at the man sitting on the couch next to her. She loved that man-child with all her heart. Loved his tall, thin figure, his every awkward movement, loved him even though he looked like a giant praying mantis. She smiled as she watched the sexy way his jaw clenched as he tried to decipher the movie. _He would never understand romance movies, would he? _She loved him. She clung to that feeling. It was better than being irritated or sad and distracted her from visualizing what was to come.

He laid his hand on her knee and smiled. She smiled back; it was effortless, easy, natural. "Penny…" he started. _Oh God, here it comes, _she thought, the smile fading from her face.

He took a deep breath, paused the movie and stammered, "We've been together for a year now..." he rambled on.

_Just say it already._

He cleared his throat. "Well the thing is…"

She had never seen Sheldon speechless._ This must be bad, very bad. I'm not just going to sit here and wait for him to do it. I don't deserve this. If he thinks he could just dump me then he is highly mistaken._ "You know what Sheldon, I'll make this easy for you," she said and stormed out of his apartment.

"That stupid, self centered...ARGH!" She screamed as she angrily opened the cupboards searching for something to drink. In the year that they had been together she really didn't have a reason to drink and now that she had one she couldn't find any trace of alcohol. She swung open the refrigerator door and found an adequate replacement for liquor – ice cream.

_I wish this ice cream had vodka in it, _she thought as she slumped on the couch. It was ironic that this was exactly the way her relationship with Sheldon started – with her slumped on the couch, wishing for vodka flavored ice cream.

Knock Knock Knock "Penny."

"What the hell do you want?" she yelled as she flung the door open. He started twitching. She knew he didn't like when she opened the door before he finished his incessant knocking but this time she didn't care.

"How does leaving the apartment help me in any way?" he said still twitching.

"What did you want me to do? Sit there and wait for you to dump me?"

"Dump you?"

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I know the signs. You've been avoiding me and 'forgetting' to return my phone calls," she said making air quotations when she said forgetting. "I know you don't forget, the beautiful mind of Sheldon Cooper doesn't forget," she finished angrily.

He was still twitching. She wasn't sure if he was twitching because he didn't finish his crazy three knocks routine or because she was yelling at him. When he finally composed himself he said, "I've been avoiding you because as you know I'm not good at keeping secrets."

"Oh and now you're keeping secrets from me?" she yelled.

"I had a whole speech planned."

"A speech?" she asked curiously, less aggressive.

"Yes."

"Ok?"

He watched Penny cautiously, expecting more of the anger she had unleashed when he came to her apartment.

"Well just tell me what the speech was about."

He opened his mouth to say something then changed his mind. She threw herself on the couch and waited. "This isn't the way I planned this at all," he finally said disgruntled, sitting on the couch next to her. He reached into his pocket. Something dark was in his hand.

"I'm not good with all this romance stuff so here..." he said and placed the dark object on the couch between them. It was a little black box. She stared at it shocked.

_What the hell?_

"What the hell?" she was finally able to say.

"Well I think it's obvious but I guess it's the norm to **pop** the question," he said, emphasis on the word 'pop.' She gasped as he slid off the couch unto one knee. He looked at her, his blue eyes shattering her concentration. It was crazy that after a year he could still do that to her. He took the black box and opened it.

"This is the ring my grandpa gave to my meemaw," he said with a little smile.

"Oh," was all she could say. The ring sparkled. She stared at the princess shaped diamond ring. She had never seen anything so beautiful.

"So Penelope Moonves, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

It was hard to concentrate on the question. She stared confused at the ring in his hand. He took her left hand, and slid the ring onto her third finger. "Well?"

She never expected this. Not from Sheldon.

Could she really spend the rest of her life with him? Could she put up with his crazy OCD antics? Would she be happy with Sheldon Cooper? It occurred to her then that the answer for each of those questions was undeniably, unmistakably, explicitly, clearly; YES.

There were so many things she wanted to say. So many romantic things popped into her brain but couldn't find their way to her mouth. Nothing she could say was right for this moment so she opted for nodding like an idiot.


End file.
